Arrogance in Muslims
By Monique Hassan
Arrogance is essentially a prideful attitude of superiority. The opposite of humility. Arrogance in Muslims is not only a negative personality trait, it is a dangerous path. Original sin stems from pride when we look at the story of Iblis (satan) refusing to bow to Adam (peace be upon him).
People are not born arrogant, this develops overtime. Success is wonderful, but it does elevate one’s risk for arrogance. In those moments of success and achievement, we must remember to give praise and thanks to Allah (most glorified, most high). This simple act of gratitude and worship keeps us grounded.
Some people act arrogant as a defense mechanism; look a little deeper and that person is actually insecure and they fear rejection. It takes a level of self-esteem and trust in order to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. An insecure person is putting up a metaphorical shield when they act arrogant.
Narcissistic personality disorder describes someone with an over-inflated sense of self-worth and importance. Their sense of entitlement is evident and they do not mind stepping on others to get what they want. Again, we may be seeing a highly arrogant individual on the surface, but underneath that hides levels of insecurity. This person NEEDS validation and praise so they demand it.
Fatima feels she is above other sisters because she wears niqab. Yusuf has the longest beard; he strokes it while looking down at the clean-shaven brothers. These two believers chose to embrace a beautiful act of sunnah, yet they forget to remember what that actually means . Islamic character is more crucial than Islamic garments. A sister in niqab must be mindful that our behavior is part of our cover, rude and arrogant sisters are displaying immodest attitudes. A long beard becomes an adornment of superiority when a brother forgets he is following the guidance of our prophet Mohamed (peace be upon him).
Dangers of Arrogance
We must be mindful of the dangers of arrogance. It is more than just a negative personality trait. We are warned about arrogance from Allah (most glorified, most high).
وَلَا تَمْشِ فِي الْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا إِنَّكَ لَن تَخْرِقَ الْأَرْضَ وَلَن تَبْلُغَ الْجِبَالَ طُولًا
And do not walk upon the earth arrogantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height. Quran 17:37
We are displaying a lack of Islamic character when we display arrogance and superiority complexes. This dark seed blossoms into a dangerous characteristic that can ruin marriages, disrupt families, tarnish career reputations and most dangerously; pull someone away from faith.
Prophet Mohamed (peace be upon him) said None shall enter the Fire (of Hell) who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of Iman and none shall enter Paradise who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride. Sahih, Muslim 91 hadith 172
Move away from Arrogance, take steps Forward
Humility in Muslims, the opposite of arrogance in Muslims, is attainable by even the most hardened narcissists. It is possible for someone to release themselves from the cage of arrogance with a degree of self-awareness and a willingness to move forward. This is not a fully inclusive list, but just a few examples of ways to improve.
Be more mindful of the people around you and respect their boundaries
Mindfulness is a popular phrase right now for good reason. Actively listen, listen to understand not to respond. Attempt to validate other’s opinions and offer real substance to interactions. Respect their boundaries physically and emotionally. Remember it is okay to disagree, but do it in a respectful manner. These actions will cause others to react more positively and promote healthier interactions. This can be practiced online in social platforms where one can feel less vulnerable.
Be charitable with your time
Giving money or material items for charity is a great deed, but one can benefit greatly from donating something we often consider invaluable, time. Don’t just donate money to the new Islamic school, show up and offer to help build or clean. Spend some time at a homeless shelter serving food or pick up litter from a kid’s park. We are encouraged to look at those in situations more difficult and less desirable than our own, instead of looking to those above us. This aids in creating a sense of humility and gratefulness.
Slow down in worship
Take a deep breath and center yourself before the initial Allahu Akbar of prayer. This is our time to worship, reconnect and ground ourselves in our faith. Scientific research supports the mental benefits of daily meditation. We do not need to spend extensive amounts of time in prayer, rather we need to make the most of that time. Quality over quantity. Focus on the words you are reciting and feel them. Focus only on your worship and ignore what is around you. Make sincere duaa and dhikr.
Self-Transformations are Possible
A degree of self-awareness, time and consistency can help us to achieve greater humility and back away from arrogance. Self-transformations are not an overnight process, stay consistent and moving forward. Please feel free to share your own personal insights into arrogance and humility.
May Allah (most glorified, most high) remove arrogance from our hearts and grant us greater patience and gratefulness. ameen.
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Gratefulness Impacts Happiness
By Monique Hassan
As November continues, we are in a month where we focus on gratitude and giving thanks to those around us.
A time of embracing family and being nostalgic. Gratitude is very much a spiritual benefit that enhances our mood, allows us to take account of our blessings as well as enables us to see hardships as lessons. This type of perspective encourages positivity and a greater quality of life. Simply put, gratefulness impacts happiness. Our perspective is our reality. A grateful perspective is one that helps us on our path of spiritual awakening and appreciation.
and, indeed, We granted this wisdom unto Luqman ,Be grateful unto God-for he who is grateful [unto Him] is but grateful for the good of his own self; whereas he who chooses to be ungrateful [ought to know that], verily, God is self-sufficient, ever to be praised
وَلَقَدْ آتَيْنَا لُقْمَانَ الْحِكْمَةَ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِلَّهِ ۚ وَمَنْ يَشْكُرْ فَإِنَّمَا يَشْكُرُ لِنَفْسِهِ ۖ وَمَنْ كَفَرَ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَنِيٌّ حَمِيدٌ
Quran 31:12
Gratefulness Improves our Moods
As an advocate for positive psychology, I see the benefit of gratefulness as part of a healing process as well as an everyday lifestyle. It employs an element of optimism and happiness. Instead of seeing the pantry as half-empty, choose to see it as half-full and say THANK YOU to your higher power. Be grateful and optimistic instead of negative and pessimistic. Say Alhamdulillah which means all thanks and praise to God. These are the beginning steps towards working for self-actualization and happiness. Appreciate even the smallest things and remember gratefulness impacts happiness as well as our spirituality.
Let’s look at an example using a clinical setting and healing path. We know that our country is facing an opioid crisis. A recovering opioid addict faces a battle within themselves. They must triumph over their own desires and the difficulty of detoxing. They can choose to take on the perspective of “this is so hard, they have so many rules here, how will I ever cope” OR “I am blessed to have a good therapy program alhamdulillah, the rules help me find stability, I am grateful for this opportunity to change my life.” When we show gratitude we place more value on what is occurring, the more we value something the more of an investment we will make.
Gratefulness Linked to Spirituality
We can look at humans as having 4 elements which are all linked. When we strive to be more conscious of this and self-aware we can better improve our mental state. The 4 elements along with examples are as follows:
Physical (our behaviors) Adam is grateful that William helped him study for exams. Adam walks up to William, shakes his hand and says thank you so much for assisting me. Adam says alhamdulillah for the good grade. Adam later gives William a nice pen as a token of appreciation.
Mental (our thoughts/beliefs) Adam believes that William is a great friend and deserves to be shown gratefulness for his actions. Adam thinks that William is becoming more trustworthy as a friend. Adam believes that William is a blessing for him.
Emotional (our feelings) Adam feels happier and so does William.
Spiritual (our soul, which encompasses all of these) Adam’s heart opens up more to William, Adam makes duaa for William and feels a brotherhood. Adam’s inner self has a little more gratitude and a feeling of inner light.
Using that above example, William would be impacted positively by the gratefulness shown from Adam. We can see that gratefulness impacts happiness as well as encourages trust with his friend through their hearts/spirituality opening up more to one another as a deeper bond develops. William will reciprocate the gratefulness as he appreciates the friendship. A cycle of gratitude, trust and a deeper more spiritual bond can develop.
And when your Lord made it known: If you are grateful, I would certainly give to you more, and if you are ungrateful, My chastisement is truly severe.
وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ وَلَئِن كَفَرْتُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِي لَشَدِيدٌ
Quran 14:7
Gratefulness Final Thoughts
We know that gratefulness impacts happiness and overall well-being. Being grateful is so much more than just saying thank you to a person or alhamdulillah. Being grateful is a lifestyle, an overall attitude and a choice to take a positive and spiritual perspective on life. If we believe that all things happen for a reason, then surely we must be grateful for all things good and bad because they have a purpose. We may not be able to determine what that purpose is and it may be difficult to accept, but the ability to say Alhamdulillah or Thank You even in times of hardship shows a strong inclination towards positivity and a strengthening of our spiritual self.
Gratefulness Exercise
Let us work towards improving our gratefulness. Today, consciously scan your day for things you are grateful for and say Alhamdulillah. After one of your 5 daily prayers today, before you stand up, sit and reflect on the blessings you have in your life and with a heartfelt intention make dhikr. Try to think of something for each time you say Alhamdulillah.
Tell us in the comments something you are grateful for.
Muslim Marriage Myths
After years of relationship work amongst Muslims, Karim has noticed certain myths regarding love and expectations before (and during) marriage that can be harmful and unrealistic. Karim provides reflections and advice on myths vs. reality regarding love, personality, family, timing and Islamic practice. Some of the constructs he addresses include:
"I want to fall in love"
"I need to get married to have sex"
"There is no one good out there"
Check out our helpful resources below!
coffeewithkarim.com/resources/